Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
