I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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