you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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