you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
