I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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