You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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