I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
