Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
