Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
