her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
