the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
