Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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