he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
