the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
