the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
