Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
