she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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