after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
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Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think your dad took our porno
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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