life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
