Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
