you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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