i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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