running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
