Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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