I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
