Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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