Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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