Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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