I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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