Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
