It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
one might say we're banned from that church
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
