Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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