I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
