YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
