peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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