it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
