i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
