Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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