He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
