I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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