i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
