just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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