Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
