her vagine was all disorganized.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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