Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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