Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
