Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
