So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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