I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
