i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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