I puked a lego.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
