Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
