Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
