yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
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my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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