it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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