Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
