don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
