thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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