..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
