Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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