my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I love you.
Bad choice
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
