she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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