Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
