STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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