you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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