my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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