turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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