Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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