The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
