Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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