there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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