Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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