Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
