Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
