it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
