I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize