6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
this is an emotional support booty call
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
