Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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