'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
