Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
