he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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