I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
