There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
