Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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