I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
