Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
